Why do people send mixed signals, despite intending to be open and honest? It gets tied up in blame, doubts, and insecurities that then turn into mixed signals. On-screen communication catalyzes mixed signals as well. And in a world where instant communication is the norm, a delayed response to a text can be the loudest mixed signal of all. We interpret the radio silence as the person being uninterested, and it tends to spiral as we ruminate on what that potential lack of interest says about us.
Was it something I said? Is she seeing someone else? Or…maybe the person got distracted and forgot to text back. It happens! All of these types of mixed signals really go back to something much deeper: our attachment style. We all have one. About half of us have a secure attachment style, meaning we strive for intimacy and comfort in relationships, while the other half is divided into two groups: the avoidant attachment style and the insecure attachment style.
Those with the avoidant attachment style can get totally freaked out by close relationships and push partners away, while people who have the anxious attachment style crave closeness and tend to come off as a little clingy or overbearing.
Those who fall into the avoidant or anxious attachment style categories tend to be the ones sending and receiving mixed signals. But how do you deal with mixed signals when they come up? Here are some common examples of mixed signals, along with what they might mean. You try to invite them out again, but all you get is wishy-washy responses—talk about mixed signals!
What it means: They might be intentionally keeping their options open, or their avoidant attachment style is causing them to pull away. When you first started dating, she dolled herself up for every date, right down to the high heels.
You loved seeing her across the table from you, looking her very best. She has swapped her heels for sneakers, her dresses for jeans and a nice top. Instead of asking you out to dinner, she assumes Netflix and takeout for the fifth weekend in a row sounds good. Are they tired of you? Assuming you prefer these gestures to the alternative, reinforce the positive actions when they occur in order to encourage your partner to contribute more to the relationship in the future.
What an unexpected surprise. Thank you! Someone who still engages in the same amount of loving conversation, texting, or affectionate gestures may have legitimate reasons for temporarily shying away from physical contact that have nothing to do with losing interest in the relationship or you , she says.
We're certainly not saying that never happens, but the reality is, post-breakup hookups are a minefield of emotions. In theory, how sweet! If a new partner talks about wanting to be in a relationship but only shows up when it's convenient for them, they're sending mixed signals.
For example, they tell you they're always available to listen when you need them but avoid you when times are tough. This mixed signal is essentially an accumulation of the various mixed signals mentioned above, and it can also be a form of breadcrumbing.
If someone who shows interest in you is flirty with other people, that can send mixed signals. This might not be true for everybody, as different people have different tolerance levels for sociosexuality, but the typical monogamous dater will likely be confused observing this behavior in a potential partner.
Ending a relationship can be complicated, possibly even more so if it ends on good terms. If you choose to stay friends or maintain contact with your ex, mixed signals can become incredibly prevalent and confusing.
Here are a few common mixed signals you may receive from an ex-partner:. If you or your ex are texting, calling, DMing, or spending time with each other frequently but say you don't see a future together, that can sometimes send mixed signals. Not only can this be confusing, but it can also make it difficult to truly move on from the relationship , Cullins says.
This is why some experts recommend the no-contact rule after a breakup. Sometimes an ex says they're OK with you moving on, but then they make comments, show up on your dates, or do anything to interfere with your new life or relationship.
They're saying one thing they don't want to be with you , but their actions are saying another thing they don't want you to be with someone else. While there are healthy ways to go about a FWB relationship, it can be confusing in the aftermath of a breakup—and especially unfair if one partner is still holding out hope for a long-term commitment. It can be confusing if an ex regularly interacts with you on social media, whether it's liking an old photo, commenting on a new one, or DMing you funny memes.
These gestures can make it seem like they're interested in staying connected, yet they don't call, text, or make plans to talk in person. By their very nature, mixed signals are difficult to interpret. Staying in relationships like this can lead to emotional stress. Overall, mixed signals are not signs that you need to change, but rather the person sending the signals has some inner work to do. Mixed signals can also be the result of an avoidant attachment style , Ajjan adds.
Meaning they tend to pull away when a relationship becomes intimate because those feelings of closeness make them nervous. Communication is essential in relationships. If you're struggling to understand someone, being open about the problem can help you both get on the same page, and, hopefully, prevent miscommunication in the future. So watch their actions.
It means they want to put in effort. It takes more time to take a shit. But if just one thing feels off, put in effort one last time—and I do mean ONE last time —and see how she responds. No matter what, do not seek closure.
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